I haven’t entertained you all with a “Nancy” story in quite some time. Here are a few of his latest:
Background:
I love to share stories about my coworker, Nancy. Nancy is a man and of course, “Nancy” is not his real name. It’s a nickname that my colleague and friend, Bill, and I have determined is most suitable. Nancy is a 45-year old married man with 2 children. He is college-educated and has worked for over 20 years in the finance industry. He is an idiot and a pansy. Click here for more Nancyisms. You won’t be disappointed.
The Flu Shot Story:
The company offers free flu shots for its employees. Last Wednesday was the day to get flu shots and the clinic asked that employees come during specific time slots according to their last name. Nancy, Bill and I would go during the same time slot. Bill decided that rather than getting the flu shot from The Company, he is going with his wife over the weekend. He told this to both Nancy and me, so that we’d know not to expect him to walk over with us. Nancy’s immediate reply was “Then I won’t go either.”
At my designated time, I walked over to the clinic by myself. I stood in line, got my shot and returned to work. It took all of 15 minutes. I mentioned to Bill later that day that I got my shot and that the entire process was a breeze. Bill informed me that although he told Nancy that he wasn’t getting the shot, Nancy still asked him TWICE if he was ready to walk over to the clinic.
Finally, late afternoon arrived and Nancy still had not walked over to the clinic. He inquired with Bill once again and once again Bill said “No, I’m not going.” Bill suggested that Nancy could walk over with Mary and PW, as they planned to head over later. Nancy asked Mary, but Mary said she already went earlier. Nancy even asked Bill to walk over with him even though Bill isn’t getting a shot.
Finally, Nancy asked Really Nice Guy to walk over with him. RNG wasn’t getting a shot, but he’s a really nice guy, so he walked over with Nancy. They returned quickly, so Bill asked how he got back so fast. Nancy said that the nurse told him he couldn’t get a shot because he didn’t have one last year.
HUH? Liar Liar Pants On Fire!
#1) The statement is not true.
#2) He made a big production of telling us that he got a free flu shot at Giant Food last year (although we did know at the time that it was a lie).
What a candy@.
The Hit Her Miss Story:
Nancy has trouble getting his slang and lingo correct. Some of his misstatements either verbally or in writing include:
- “Dude” = Tude (attitude)
- “Bob Wire” = Barbed Wire
- “A Wall” = AWOL (absent without leave)
- “Dish” = Dis (disrespect)
- “Medium” = When referring to a median strip.
- “Vanilla” = When referring to a manilla folder.
- “To/Too/Two” = Always always always uses the incorrect one.
- “There/Their/They’re” = Always always always uses the incorrect one.
- “Medal/Meddle/Metal” – Always always always uses the incorrect one.
And my personal favorite: Hit Her Miss = Hit Or Miss. The idiot honestly thinks that they saying is “Hit Her Miss.”
The Baby Blanket Story:
My friend Debbie and I often spend our lunch hour in the cafeteria working on our latest crochet project. On Wednesday, we were in the cafe and Debbie was showing me the baby blanket she is making for a friend. Bill and Nancy walked by and admired her handiwork.
Later Bill told me that Nancy was all a flutter after seeing Debbie and I crocheting. He told Bill that his 15-year-old son had a blanket like that when he was a baby. Then he asked Bill, “I should bring it in to show Nothing Fancy.”
Bill said, “I don’t think so.”
Thank goodness!