Quirky Nancy

This post is brought to you by Spin Cycle and this week’s assignment – Quirks.  See Sprite’s Keeper for more Quirky Spins.

When I first learned that this week’s spin is Quirks, I started thinking of my own peculiarities (not that I have any, mind ya).  I quickly decided that my quirks are pretty boring and tried to think of something else to write about.  Then yesterday I had lunch with Nancy.  Yes, Nancy.  He is the quirkiest person I know (among other things), so I figured I’d share some of his quirks with you.

Background: 

I love to share stories about my coworker, Nancy.  Nancy is a man and of course, “Nancy” is not his real name.  It’s a nickname that my colleague and friend, Bill, and I have determined is most suitable.  Nancy is a 45-year old married man with 2 children.  He is college-educated and has worked for over 20 years in the finance industry.  He is an idiot, a moron, and a pansy, not to mention a quirk.  Click here for more Nancyisms.  You won’t be disappointed.

Quirky Nancy:

Rather than share one particular Quirky Nancy story, I’ve decided to list some of Nancy’s oddities for your reading pleasure.  Here we go!

(1)  Nancy arrives at work every day at 7:15 am SHARP.  At precisely 7:30 am, he goes to his director’s office and says, “Wanna go down?”  Which in Nan-speak means, “Would you like to walk downstairs with me to get a cup of coffee?”  This occurs every single day at 7:30.  Not 7:29, not 7:31, but exactly 7:30.  Same routine every day.  If the director is out of the office, he is thrown off schedule and skips having coffee that day.

(2)  Nancy goes to lunch every day at 11:45 am SHARP.  At precisely 11:45 am, he gets up from his desk, walks to Bill’s desk and says, “Are you going down?”  Which in Nan-speak means, “Would you like to go down to the cafeteria for lunch?”  In the event that something happens to throw him off his routine – perhaps a phone call with a customer that lasts until 11:46 – and prohibits him from leaving his desk at exactly 11:45, then Nancy doesn’t eat lunch. 

(3)  Every day at 3:57 pm Nancy shuts down his computer and walks to Bill’s desk and says “Are you ready?”  Which in Nan-speak means, “I’m leaving for the day, would you like to walk out together?”  And every day, Bill has not yet shut down his computer, because quitting time is actually 4:00.  So Nancy will wait until 4:00 for Bill to be ready.  However, if Bill is in the middle of something and won’t be ready until 4:01, Nancy is thrown off his schedule and must leave.  By 4:01, Nancy is in his car and exiting the parking lot.

(4)  Every year in early March (or late February if the weather warms up), Nancy starts talking about buying and planting New Guinea Impatiens.  Every year, he asks Bill and I when we buy our spring flowers.  Every year we say that we buy and plant them in May.  Every year, Nancy worries about when to buy and plant them and then buys them in late March/early April and keeps them in his garage until its time to plant them, because he’s afraid Home Depot is going to run out.  And every year, he yaps about them and worries about them from February until May.

(5)  Every spring Nancy starts talking about new housing developments near his home.  Every spring he hounds the real estate people and walks through these house.  Every spring he yaps about how he can afford these fancy new homes and how they really aren’t that great and how only greedy people buy new homes.  Every spring after touring all of the new homes, he says “I can’t see myself moving.”  And every spring, he points out that he is living beneath his means and could have a nicer house if he wanted.

(6)  Every year on the day after Thanksgiving, Nancy puts up his Christmas tree.  Every year, he asks his children what they want for Christmas and every year he gives them their gifts BEFORE Christmas.  Every year he takes down his Christmas tree ON Christmas day and throws it in the woods behind the Church that backs to his backyard.

(7)  When Nancy and his family do their Spring cleaning (or whatever) and they have items that they no longer use or need, they DO NOT donate these items.  They DO NOT have a yard sale.  They don’t even set it out with their trash.  In fact, if they do their Spring cleaning on Sunday and trash day is Tuesday, Nancy cannot wait.  He loads up all of the stuff and takes it to the dump on Sunday evening.  ALWAYS.

(8)  Every Thursday at lunch, Nancy says, “Survivor tonight?”  and Every Thursday, we say “Yes.”  Yet, every Friday, when we all speak of the Survivor episode from the night before, Nancy says “I saw some of it.”  And then gets the facts all mixed up and asks us a bunch of dumb questions.  Every week.

(9)  Nancy gets his hair cut every 2 weeks – exactly.  After each haircut, he asks Bill or another coworker if they notice that he got his haircut.  Every 2 weeks he says “I wanted to get it cut shorter, but I’m afraid.”  And every 2 weeks he says, “I’ll get it cut short when I retire.”

(10)  Every year, Nancy takes 3 vacations.  Every year he and his family go somewhere during Spring Break, in spite of the fact that this is the busiest time at work.  Every year before leaving on his Spring Break/Busy time at work vacation, he says, “Things should be quiet around here while I’m gone.”  Every year Nancy and his family go to the beach on the week of July 4th.  Every year, his wife leaves on Thursday with the kids and Nancy drives there on Saturday.  Every year.  And the third vacation each year is the 2nd week of August, when they go back to the exact same beach for a week.  And yes, every year his wife and kids leave on Thursday to go to the beach, but Nancy leaves on Saturday.  Every year.  Every year at the beach, they eat at the same restaurants, go to the same water park, etc.

There are so many more quirks I could tell you about, but these are the ones that come to mind today.  Hope you had fun reading them. 

Who’s the quirkiest person you know?  What quirks drive you crazy?  Are you quirky?