I love to share stories about my coworker, Nancy.  Nancy is a man and of course, “Nancy” is not his real name.  It’s a nickname that my colleague and friend, Bill, and I have determined is most suitable.  Nancy is a 47-year old married man with 2 children.  He is college-educated and has worked for over 20 years in the finance industry.  He is a moron and a pansy.  Click here for more Nancyisms.  You won’t be disappointed.

The Story:

A quote from Nancy:

“My haircutter, Nu, is from Vietnam.  She is leaving next week to go home and visit her 96-year-old mother.  Nu said that her mother has dementia but can recount stories about the war in great detail.  I’m pretty sure she’s talking about WWII.”

My husband and I are football fanatics.  On any given Saturday during the fall, you’ll find us at an NCAA football game.  In the late fall, it can get mighty cold at those games and staying warm is almost as important as a win for our team.  With that in mind, I came up with the Game Day Hat.  

The Game Day Hat features a tight gauge at the brim to really hug your ears and keep them warm, then switches to a looser gauge throughout the remainder of the hat, keeping you warm, but not sweaty.  Be sure to add some height to the hat, so you’ll be nice and comfy while you jump up and down on those stadium bleachers.  I’ve also incorporated a defined fold at the brim for a neater look.  The ribbing pattern is nice and stretchy and can accommodate various head sizes.  Adjust your cast on by multiples of 3 stitches to achieve the fit you want.

SIZES:

• Directions are written for Small, with changes for Medium and Large written in parentheses.  Due to the stretchyness of the ribbing, I’ve found that the Medium size will fit most adults.  The small size worked perfectly for my small 4-year-old.

GAUGE:

• 6 stitches per inch in K2 P1 ribbed pattern using size US6 (smaller) needles

YARN:

• 1 skein of Malabrigo Merino Worsted or other worsted weight yarn. 
• Partial skein of Malabrigo Merino Worsted (scraps will work!) in contrasting color

NEEDLES:

• US6 16” circular needles or dpns (or size needed to obtain gauge)
• US7 16” circular needles or dpns (or 1 size larger than needle used to obtain gauge)

OTHER MATERIALS:

• Stitch marker
• Yarn needle

ABBREVIATIONS:

• CO – cast on
• K – knit
• P – purl
• MC – main color
• CC – contrasting color
• P2TOG – purl 2 stitches together
• K2TOG – knit 2 stitches together 

PATTERN

BRIM:

CO 84 (96, 108) stitches in CC on size US6 needles.  Join to knit in the round, placing marker to note beginning of round and being careful not to twist stitches.

K2 P1 around for ¾ (1,1) inches

Switch to MC

K2 P1 around for ¾ (1,1) inches

Turn work as follows:

Purl last stitch in the previous round.  Bring yarn to back of work.  Slip one stitch from left needle to the right needle.  Bring yarn to front of work.  Slip the same stitch back to the left needle.  Turn knitting inside-out, making sure your yarn is in the back of the work.

P1 K2 around for 1 ½ (2,2) inches

BODY OF HAT:

Switch to US7 needles and continue in P1 K2 pattern.

Work in pattern until hat is 9(11, 13) inches from cast on edge, or desired height.

DECREASES (switch to DPNs when necessary):

Round 1 =     P1 K1 P2TOG K2  repeat til end of round;     70(80, 90) stitches remaining

Rounds 2, 4, 6, and 8 = knit the knit stitches (vees)  and purl the purl stitches (bumps)

Round 3 =     P1 K2TOG K2  repeat til end of round;     56 (64, 72) stitches remaining  

Round 5 =     P2TOG K2  repeat til end of round;     42 (48, 54) stitches remaining

Round 7 =     P2TOG K1  repeat til end of round;     28 (32, 36) stitches remaining

FINISHING UP:

Break yarn leaving long tail. 

Using yarn needle, thread tail through remaining stitches and pull tight. 

Secure on wrong side and weave in ends.

Stay warm and enjoy the game!

Soccer Cleats, Shin Guards, Socks, Ball and Bag . . . $75.00

Watching your little soccer star sit in the middle of the field with his arms crossed and refusing to participate with the team . . . Priceless.

I guess H felt left out, because he returned to the table and crawled up on my lap.    Sitting on my lap, he kept bumping up against and pushing on my chest.  I asked him to stop and told him that it wasn’t nice.  He then turned to Blue Eyes and said, “Daddy, do you have one of those?”  Blue Eyes said “no” and I explained to H that only Ladies have those.  He seemed satisfied with the answer and dinner conversation moved on to more appropriate topics.

We were all chatting about the day when H started fidgeting on my lap.  He moved from one side of my lap to the other and accidentally bumped up against my chest again.  Startled, H said…

“WHOA!  There are TWO of them!”

I love to share stories about my coworker, Nancy.  Nancy is a man and of course, “Nancy” is not his real name.  It’s a nickname that my colleague and friend, Bill, and I have determined is most suitable.  Nancy is a 46-year old married man with 2 children.  He is college-educated and has worked for over 20 years in the finance industry.  He is a moron and a pansy.  Click here for more Nancyisms.  You won’t be disappointed.

The Story:

My colleague, Bill was the lucky one (insert sarcasm here!) to hear this story directly from Nancy.  I wasn’t present, thankfully, but the story is too unbelievable not to share with you.

Nancy, his wife and 2 teenaged children went to Walmart a few weekends ago.  Nancy has told us in the past that they like to play the “Wally’s World Game” as a family.  The “game” entails selecting a Walmart employee for whom English is a second language – asking that employee a question – and laughing at him when he appears confused or doesn’t understand the question.  I know, I know…Nan and family are top quality. 

Their recent visit to Walmart tops the cake.  Nancy and family arrived at Walmart and tracked down one of the employees.  They told the employee that they saw a dog running loose in the store near aisle 9.  Naturally, the employee ran over to aisle 9 to get the dog.  Then Nancy ran down a different aisle and barked like a dog.  When the employee checked that aisle, Nancy ran to a different aisle and again barked like a dog.  He and his family thought it was so hilarious that the employee was running around the store looking for the dog.

Seriously.

I dont’ make this stuff up.

In October, his replacement was hired.  Our team met The Crocodile at a brief meeting shortly after her hiring where she introduced herself and told us about her credentials.  She seemed okay and we all looked forward to learning more about her management style and anticipated changes she might make.

My desk is located right outside of The Crocodile’s office.  On any given day, I might pass her in the hall several times.  In fact, we probably cross paths an average of 5 – 7 times per week.  At first I thought she was shy or preoccupied, but as I passed her daily in the hallway – staring directly at her – and watched her look away each and every time, I began to think that she’s just a plain ole Witch.  Even when I’d extend a “Good Morning” or “Hello”, I’d receive exactly NOTHING in reply.  I mentioned this to my coworkers and found that they were experiencing the exact same thing.

Time passed and still I had NO interaction at all with The Crocodile.  I learned more of her reputation… that she told Hamill “Good Boy” when he turned in a report to her liking, that she said “Thank you, Boys” when Bill and Nancy held a door open for her, that she told Hamill he should be more “nasty.”  I’ve heard other examples of how she belittles her staff and even peers, but from October 2009 through July 2010, she had never ever spoken to me.  All I know is that she looks down, up, or the other way when we pass in the hall.  In fact, it’s gotten so bad that I’ve started playing her game.  When I see her approaching, I examine the papers in my hand, look at my watch or do whatever I can to avoid eye contact.  I figure that if she ever calls me out on it, I’ll tell her that I’m merely following her example.

A few weeks ago our team was working on a huge and sensitive project.  My boss and peer were on vacation when things started to heat up, so I took charge and ran with the DJ account.  It was much more complicated that I expected and I worked on it for 2 solid days.  In the end, I was quite proud of my work and felt like I totally ROCKED it!  I submitted my report to the director who reviewed it and submitted it to The Crocodile.  A day or so later, my boss, Really Nice Guy (RNG) told me that feedback from The Crocodile was that I did a good job on the DJ account. 

The following week, I was working away at my desk when there was a loud KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK behind me.  I turned around and to my surprise, it was The Crocodile.  I smiled and said hello.  Thoughts ran through my head and I was just sure she was coming to personally thank me for the job well done on the DJ account.  I was mentally preparing my humble response, when she said…

 ”Do you have a rubber band that will fit around this file?”

I turned and pulled open my drawer, where thankfully there was a lone large rubber band.  I handed it to her and she said…

“Thank you, dear.”

Then she left.

Nice.

I love to share stories about my coworker, Nancy.  Nancy is a man and of course, “Nancy” is not his real name.  It’s a nickname that my colleague and friend, Bill, and I have determined is most suitable.  Nancy is a 46-year old married man with 2 children.  He is college-educated and has worked for over 20 years in the finance industry.  He is an idiot and a pansy.  Click here for more Nancyisms.  You won’t be disappointed.

The Story:

A few days ago Bill, Nancy and I were eating lunch in the cafeteria at our office.  Lunchtime conversation turned to family and children and went something like this.

Nancy:  I was in my mid-20s when we had our first child.

Bill:  Isn’t your oldest child 16?

Nancy:  Yes.

Nothing Fancy:  But aren’t you 46?

Nancy:  Yes.

Bill and Nothing Fancy just look at each other.  Nancy looks confused and we can tell that he is trying to figure out the math.  Bill cracks first.

Bill:  You were 30 years old when you had your first child.

Nancy:  Well, I would have been in my mid-20s if we didn’t have infertility issues.

Bill and Nothing Fancy can no longer look at each other.  They stare out the window and hope the moment passes without either of them cracking.

At the beginning of this year, when my cousin told me that he and his wife were expecting their first child, I knew right away that I wanted to make something special for the baby.  I gave it some thought and felt that a blanket would be the best thing to make.   The baby was due in May and I thought I had plenty of time.  Next thing I knew, I received a baby shower invitation in the mail and had merely a few weeks to pull together a blanket.  I got to work right away and honestly enjoyed every stitch of making the blanket for my newest cousin, Tyler.  I selected a simple shell crochet blanket because I knew it would look nice and I can do the simple crochet stitch very quickly.  I started the project during the opening ceremony of the Olympics and finished up before the closing ceremonies.  Thus, Tyler’s blankie was dubbed “Olympic Baby Blanket.”

Mommy and Daddy loved the blanket and I hope Tyler is now enjoying it as well. 

After completing Tyler’s blanket and receiving nice complements from my cousin and his wife, I felt that a handmade blanket was a really nice baby gift.  I decided that I would make a blanket for any future special babies in our circle of family and friends.

Little did I know that shortly after making this decision, every woman I’d ever met would get pregnant.  I should have predicted it, as what else were young couples going to be doing during the Blizzard of 2010?  Yep…6 babies due this fall in our circle of family and friends.

And so the Baby Blanket Brigade begins.  My goal is to knit or crochet 7 baby blankets before October. 

Blanket #1 – Tyler’s Olympic Baby Blanket – Check!

Blanket #2 – Sweet & Simple Baby Blanket for Ricky & Lisa’s baby – In progress.  It is sweet.  It is simple.  BUT it is taking me FOREVER.  Lots of purl stitches, which in my case means the blanket is moving along as quickly as molasses up a tree in the winter.  I’m about 40% finished.  I put this one on hold while I worked on #3 and #4 because of a baby shower invitation received in the mail.

Blankets #3 and #4 – Pink and Orchid Fans and Feathers Baby Blankets for Laura’s twin girls - Check!  Baby shower is this Saturday and I finished up the 2nd blanket yesterday! 

Pink and Orchid Fans and Feathers

Blankets #5 and #6 – World Cup Baby Boy Blanket and TBA Baby Girl Blanket for Sharon’s boy/girl twins – In progress.  I started the baby boy’s blanket during the World Cup yesterday.  Here’s a sneak peak.  I’m much farther along after just one evening of crochet.  Blue Eyes says I’m on a roll and he thinks I’ll have both blankets done in 2 weeks so that we can deliver them on our way to the beach at the end of the month.  I’m  not so sure.

Blanket #7 – Merely in “draft” or “decision-making” form right now.  This one is for my friend, Stephanie.  Although I know that I want to knit the blanket rather than crochet, I can’t decide what pattern or yarn to use.  I have time, right?

So there you have it…The Baby Blanket Brigade.

What was I thinking?

It’s a GAZILLION degrees outside today.  Folk are frying eggs on the sidewalks and I nearly melted during my short walk from the house to the car.  It’s July 7th and it’s HOT.  Not just HOT, but AFRICA HOT!

When I left my house for the office this morning, I was wearing what I thought was a cute summer outfit.  Cute and summer-like, yet professional enough for the office:

• A pair of white Ann Taylor slacks,
• A sheer floral Ann Taylor blouse, and
• A pair of high-heeled strappy sandals.

Now, sitting at my desk in my office, I’ve added the following:

• An oversized BLACK WOOL SWEATER and
• A large shawl draped over my lap.

I’m seriously contemplating a quick run to Macy’s for a pair of socks, because my tootsies are frozen. 

I’m pretty sure that I no longer look summer-like, cute or professional.  I look ridiculous.  And I’m still cold.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?  IT”S FREEZING IN HERE!  SAVE A NICKEL AND KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE BLASTING AC!

Okay…I’m better now.  Not warm, but better.  Fingerless mitts are totally on my wish list too!

Yesterday H and I selected some flowers and took them to the cemetery for Mom.  H is only 3 years old and although we talk about Nana and he has seen pictures of Nana, he doesn’t quite understand. 

We stopped at Dad’s house on the way to the cemetery.  Dad wasn’t there, but we made ourselves at home and H headed straight for the basement to ride bikes and cars.  When I told him it was time to go, he asked if we were going to Nana’s house now.  I tried to explain that the house we were in was Nana’s house, but that she passed away and lives in Heaven with God now.  He thought about that a little bit, then inquired again about going to Nana’s house.  I could tell that he was confusing Nana with our family friend, Kitty, so I tried to explain a bit more.  He seemed okay with that.

On our way out, we walked through the family room and I showed H a picture of Nana.  He liked that and pointed her out in several other pictures.  The last picture was one of my mother standing next to my brother.  He pointed out Nana in that picture, then pointed to my brother and asked, “Is that God?”

Um….NO…that’s just my brother.

We left and made our way to the cemetery.  H and I arranged the flowers and spent some time together.  I was fussing with the flowers when I noticed that H had pulled his toy cell phone out of his pocket and was punching numbers.  I eavesdropped of course, and heard this:

“Hello, Nana?  Yes.  How are you?  Good.  I hope you are having a nice day with God.  Okay.  Happy Birthday.  I love you.  Bye.”

I think H said it all.

May 1, 1970